My friends are going through a lot of suffering lately. I love you all so much and my heart is with you as you go through your own experiences. There is no figuring it out. It is like hitting a brick wall over and over. The only peace we can find is when we let go. When my heart was cracked wide open, it was through the sweet surrender of what just is that I was able to experience the vastness and infinity of what we truly are. Pieces of me have died, and they are opening the doors to living fully. Pain and beauty are in union. Invite it all with an open and pure heart and you will be loved.
Italy and Yoga
I have recently completed week 1 of Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training . Nestled high up in the hills of Umbria, Yoga Borgo is a centuries old monastic building that was lovingly restored by the Sada Sat Singh and Sada Sat Kaur. The Sada Sats have lived there for 11 years, offering retreats and Kundalini Yoga training.
I flew into Rome where my adventure began. I took a bus, a train, another bus and a lift from Sada Sat Singh. The journey took 12 hours. With no car and knowledge of the local wild animals, there was no way I was going to be coming down form that hill for a week! I met my room mate, a woman and mother living in Mexico. We were instantly friends. The rest of the yogis were similarly wide spread, coming from Bermuda, Slovenia, Latvia, Switzerland and Italy. We were quite the eclectic mix. There were 7 of us in residence and 2 local ladies who came up the hill whenever they could. Our day started early at 5.30 or 6.30 on alternating days. We did yoga practice, Sadhana, up until breakfast and then moved into teaching. Teachings follow the original teaching of Yogi Bhajan, who brought Kundalini yoga to the West. In the teachings we learned more about the purpose of Kundalini Yoga and how it fits in with Yoga more generally. Yoga means Unity. It is the coming together of God and Being. It includes mind, body and spirit. It is not just any one of these. It is a perfect harmony of all three. The main purpose is to come to know our truth, to use the energy within us to raise us to our highest awareness. More than a practice, I learned it was a way of living, and of being in the world. It is a very compassionate way of living. Food was simple, delicious, vegetarian cooking and everyone blessed the food and ate together.
The first two days of Sadhana were extremely challenging. Sitting in easy pose (legs crossed as demo’ed by the dog) for several hours a day, doing meditations that were sometimes an hour long, holding positions for what seemed like eternity. It was very intense. I have become particularly disliking of stretch pose. When I realised this was how it was going to be for 7 days I wondered what on earth a fragile person like me was really doing there. I wasn’t ready. I missed my family terribly. I missed Oisin terribly. I was among strangers even though they were all so beautiful and compassionate. I felt very alone with all of this grief. By the third 62 minute meditation, after getting over the shock of having to sit that long, I found myself surrendering to all that was happening in me. This was like the letting go I described earlier. Sweet surrender. I found some peace. I allowed tears to flow.
Many times I cried all my aching heart out, just sobbed and sobbed and breathed and breathed. The morning Sadhana was powerful. One morning I was particularly overcome. I found myself sobbing loudly, crying out at the vast, green hills to Oisin, “why did you leave me, why did you leave me.” The Hills had no answer. I was alone with my heart, feeling it break and break. After this experience I seemed to clear out some of this emotion.
Since I returned to Ireland, there has been a shift in me that others have noticed. It is like my energy has changed. I have more clarity. It’s hard to put into words. This form of Yoga, Kundalini Yoga, is a full package deal for how to live a happy, healthy and holy life. Devotion and practice reaps the benefits. I am looking forward to my next week in July. Easy pose and stretch pose are still hard but a little bit less. My diet has changed and we are eating really well with less meat than we have ever had. It’s very hard to work yoga into everyday life as a working mother who is still grieving. But these challenges are just challenges and that’s it. No need to add any more. It’s exactly where I need to be. I am just being a human being!
Grief has shattered me to pieces and yet my heart has never been more open and strong. The light is shining through. I feel a fragment of true peace for the first time. One day maybe the glass will shatter completely and allow my true self to vibrate to the sound of others and others to the sound of me. I saw how Oisin did this so incredibly. He flows in me always. My teacher and inspiration.
For your info, we are doing a radio interview on RTE radio 1, The John Murray Show on Friday June 26th. We were approached by the show shortly after our newspaper article in the Irish Independent. We will be sharing our story and what we have learned.
Barry was at the last two Anam Cara meetings whilst I stayed back and minded Cilly. The last meeting was a special memorial for all the children we have loved and lost. Anam Cara meet once a month nationwide.
Barry has become interested in mindful walking and will lead a silent mindful walk in Wicklow to mark his birthday on June 28th. We will be gathering at the Kippure Estate at 2pm and leaving to climb up to the megalithic burial tomb on Seefin shortly afterwards. It’s a very beautiful way of connecting with Oisin and with each other, where no words are needed. Just being. If you have an interest in joining us then feel free to get in touch. He posted details through his Facebook page.
Some dear friends who live in England have taken it upon themselves to organise a parallel silent walk at the same time. We a truly humbled and grateful by your drive to do this and to connect with us and with Oisin in this way.
Our friend over the seas, Jenna, will be doing a 150km run for The Lyla Nsouli Foundation, which supports DIPG research. Many many thank yous to you, Jenna. You will make a difference. Donations are through JustGiving.com and I will post details once finalised.
We must set up an events page for these kinds of things.
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