When I Cannot Hug You On Your Birthday
There are moments that can last for days.
Where I move into the darkness.
Where I can barely function in daily life.
Where my heart aches for you to be with me.
Where life starts to take on a grey two dimensional existence,
and the pain is the only place that feels real.
I move into this darkness with an open heart.
I do so out of choice.
Because at some point along the way,
I find you.
I find love.
I find connection.
I find oneness.
I find who I really am, and who I really am is who you really are.
I am still.
I cannot control this loss.
I have no power to bring you back.
I cannot have you in my arms and see you turn another year older today.
I cannot run from what life has given me to carry.
But I can choose to find where you are now.
To find you within me.
I find you always in the surrender to what is.
The surrender to all I cannot change.
Happy Birthday, dear, sweet, wise, radiant Oisin. On your 5th birthday, we find you in our hearts, whether in pain or in joy. You are there. A timeless butterfly boy, dancing all around us. Xxxx