SIX MONTHS ON
It is 6 months since Oisin’s death. My relationship with him has changed over time. Whilst my memories of him as our child are still so strong and painful, my experience of him now is of a bright, sparkling and vast energy. He is never too far away, dancing and twirling around. He makes himself known in so many different ways and through so many people. It helps me to stay open to this kind of relationship with him.
This blog has become a story of what this one incredible little boy gave to his family. To me, his human mother. To Barry, his human father. To Cillian, his human brother. It ripples out to all. I get one shot at making what he did for us really count. That’s why I keep my heart and soul open to all of the experiences I am having along the way. At times, the path has been going at such speed I have felt very afraid and I often wonder if I will keep writing this blog in such a public way. What we are going through is so personal. I don’t want this to be all about me and Barry and Cilly. I want this to be about how these experiences can shape the whole course of our human life in the most profound way. Suffering is without doubt, very cruel, and yet it can be the one thing that can shake us into a much more conscious existence. A much deeper understanding of who we really are. This is my experience. Everyone goes through the same journey in their own way.
SECOND WEEK OF YOGA TRAINING AT YOGA BORGO, ITALY
I have just returned from Italy where I did my second week of Kundalini Yoga training. It was a similar pattern as last time. The start of the week was difficult. I missed my family and felt particularly raw this time. The yoga practice helped me to bring up some very deep emotions, more than just grief. Painful as it was it was liberating to move through them and emerge out of the other side with a more solid sense of who I am. It’s like shedding layers of old selves that no longer serve a purpose any more. The yoga was so powerful this time. I experienced a lot of energy moving through me during the practice. It was a surprise to discover this energy can actually move around the body in this way, but in the surrender to the experience of it the feeling is utterly beautiful and quite beyond any words. I noticed how much more strength I have gained in the practice. I returned from Yoga Borgo feeling much more in balance with myself. The challenge, as always, is maintaining the practice.
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” – Yogi Bhajan
FAMILY TIME IN DINGLE
When I returned, Barry and Cilly had gone to Dingle for the weekend to join Barry’s family. Barry sent me some gorgeous pictures of Ventry Strand. We have taken a holiday in Dingle every year for the last 3 years and will be there again in August. Oisin really loved going. It sounded like an emotional few days for the family. Barry told me Oisin’s presence was felt everywhere. Looking at the pictures, I can see why….
BUTTERFLY BEING SITE LAUNCH
My dear friend, Julie, who I trained with in clinical psychology, has launched a web site. It is called www.butterflybeing.com. She is offering group and individual work, acting as “a facilitator and guide to work with you (or your child) to elicit and cultivate your own innate power to move towards wholeness and to transform what is ready to be discarded in your life, both internally and externally.” (taken from Julie’s site). She writes on it that Oisin was her inspiration in bringing the concept together. I will add her details on the help and support section of this blog. It is a very beautiful site and I wish her well with her work. I share with Julie a vision of well being coming from the unification of body, mind and spirit to bring true, deep, lasting healing to people of today’s world.
Peace to all. Love to all. Light to all.
Sheila
Our Butterfly Boy 
Hello Sheila,
As usual your wonderful blog was up to its usual standard. Thank you for it. My 12th July was very difficult this year in particular. My friend Una of 59 years would know why. I write this at 4.31 a.m as I am someone who takes on the worries of the world as well as my own. It was how I was always. We all have good and bad traits and I find that if someone hurts me I find that I dwell on it for a long time. I find the dishonesty of many of our Politicians very hard to understand. It is the person who can least afford it that is made to struggle, while they live in a place where they never have to worry when the bills arrive. Yet they are not happy with this. They want more. They are not alone. Family can be selfish too and it is often a friend who sees stress and worry and comes forward to help. I believe that if you are good to someone it comes back in bouquets and I have seen bad Karma come the way of people who think that as long as they are okay they live in their own cocoon. A strange word to use when we all love the beautiful butterfly. What I find difficult to understand is why good people like Barry and yourself have to suffer the unbearable loss of a beautiful child when all of your lives you both have helped others. Barry, as he works in Medical Research looking for new cures for illnesses that will be curable when all of us have passed on, and you Sheila who opens your heart to people who draw on your skill as a Psychologist to make each difficult day a little better. However, as Barry said when you joined them in Dingle, Oisin was everywhere, and this is not imagination. I have been helped from the most unlikely places and from people that I would have least expected it from. May I quote the last few lines of that beautiful poem Footprints:
“” My precious child. I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you “.
I worked with a lady who had a saying for every occasion. One of her favourite ones was if someone said something unkind or did something to someone who least deserved it she would say
” These little things are sent to try us”. Barry and yourself and all of your family on both sides have been truly tried, and yet you give strength to others as we read your beautiful blog. Those who love us and have passed on are never far away. I sat on my couch yesterday afternoon, worrying about how I was going to pay water rates, property tax, etc etc. Suddenly, I saw one of my cats jump up towards the blind on the window. I went over to investigate and on the inside of the window the familiar Monarch fluttered
up high trying to escape the claws of the inquisitive cat who would end its even shorter life. The weather outside wasn’t kind, but I felt that he would fly to safety somewhere else. I opened the window and he flew away to freedom. I went out to my kitchen and made a Cappuchino from a sachet and had 3 chocolate biscuits with it. That wouldn’t help the spare tyre on my tummy but it was better than sitting and brooding. Those who love us are never far away.
Esther. XX
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Loving you all.
Sat Nam.
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Hi Sheila
If you think you could continue to share publicly I, for one, would really appreciate it. There aren’t many people who are willing or brave enough to be as open as you and I think it’s a wonderful thing to share. But, if it’s not right for you, I get that too!
love Holly xx
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